Genre: MM romance, yaoi
Warning: adult content, R18
Spoilers alert for the ending of Back in the rain.
Fragment of blue
“I’ve been wanting to bring you here for a long time.”
Drew’s voice was low and quiet as he murmured those words in Dan’s ear, his arms wrapped around him as they looked at the wonderful landscape in front of them. The City of Pholis in the summer was stunning in its beauty. From the cliff on the side of the road, where they were taking a break from traveling, they were able to see the waves crashing on the rocky shore of the south coast. The water was crystal clear, shining with the reflection of the sunlight, and of an intense, multi-shaded blue. They were standing several yards above the sea, and yet they could see the reef with no effort at all. Dan breathed in the fresh morning air, closing his eyes and just enjoying what he was feeling; the delicate breeze on his face, Drew’s firm body behind him, so warm and comforting, strong arms holding him tightly, his lover’s breath on his neck.
Dan found himself smiling at that thought. Looking for a word to define their relationship was always challenging for him, as nothing seemed to fit perfectly what they were for each other. Drew called him his boyfriend. He could be called his partner as well, but Dan rather liked the word lover instead.
The one I love. The one who loves me. The one I make love with.
God. Just standing on the side of a cliff doing nothing shouldn’t feel so good.
“Tired?” Drew asked him, fondness evident in his voice.
“No,” Dan said, turning around in Drew’s arms to look at his face. His green eyes were smiling at him, the corners of his lips turned up. Drew had always had a smile to die for; curious eyes, innocent look, and that mouth… perfect teeth and full and firm lips that were always so inviting. When Dan was a teenager, he used to dream about kissing those lips. The lips of his straight best friend whom he could never have. But he had him now, and sometimes he still couldn’t believe that Drew was finally his. His to kiss, bite, hug, fuck and spoil rotten.
The more Dan looked at Drew, the more he wanted him. Around him, on him, inside him.
I’ve got it so bad.
“What’s with that face?” Drew said, his eyes lingering on Dan’s lips.
“What face?” Dan asked, even though he was perfectly aware of the look he was giving him. He was hungry for him and he wasn’t ashamed to show it.
“The face you make when you want to suck my dick.”
“Well, I do want to suck your dick.”
Drew’s cheeks reddened slightly and he chuckled. He was so freaking adorable. Dan seriously thought about going down on him there, on the side of the road. Or maybe Drew could bend him over the car and-
Drew cleared his throat. “The dick in question is happy to hear that, but it’s literally not in a good position to get hard right now.”
“I told you these pants were too tight.”
“Okay, you were right. But stop trying to seduce me.”
“Or I could suck you off and solve the problem completely.”
Drew bit his own lip. He was tempted. “Love, you do know I’m gonna be a cop soon, right?”
“Engaging in sexual activity in public is illegal. I don’t really need a charge for Public Indecency on my record. It’s already a mess as it is.”
“In public? There’s no one here.” Dan couldn’t believe his own words. Why was he insisting so much? Drew was right, and he understood it, rationally. He was acting like a horny teenager.
Get a grip. You’re 22 and perfectly able to control lust. You did it all your life.
Drew leaned in and kissed his scowling mouth delicately. “When we get to the hotel, I’ll make sure to fuck you so good and hard that you’ll scream my name.”
A rush of heat flushed Dan’s face. Drew kissed him again, once again a chaste and sweet touch of his lips on his. Then, he started laughing.
“What’s so funny?” Dan was now awfully embarrassed. Was he making himself ridiculous?
“I remembered something,” Drew said, pressing his forehead against Dan’s. “Last year, when we first got together, a certain someone used to tell me that I was too lusty.”
Yes, that was him. One year together, and he had become so disgustingly besotted with Drew. Was it going to get even more intense between them? Was it even possible to want someone so desperately without being consumed by it?
“I don’t remember,” he lied.
“Your memory can be very selective sometimes.” Drew was smiling again and something ached in Dan’s heart as he looked at him.
That man had done anything for him during the past year. First of all, he literally took a bullet and risked his own life for him. When Dan suffered from panic attacks every single night and hyperventilated, Drew held him into his arms and helped him overcome the crisis. He sustained him when he went through therapy, and he listened carefully as he confessed him his fears and traumas. Sexually, he always put Dan’s pleasure first. Even when he came before him, he made sure to give him astonishing orgasms.
If Dan had to describe his life before his relationship with Drew, he would say that he was broken to pieces. Bruised — physically and mentally —, depressed and lonely, he was on the brink of suicide. He was alive now, because Drew had been by his side. Drew had looked into his eyes and told him he was beautiful. He had taught him not to be ashamed of his scars, he had kissed away his tears. He had forgiven his lies, and opened his heart to him.
Dan was grateful, so grateful for the love of this man, to the point he felt like crying.
Needless to say, he wasn’t over his problems yet. There were bad days in which his sense of guilt would eat him alive, in which his nightmares would haunt him and his body would remember all the pain he suffered. During those days, no sedative or drug could help him like Drew’s proximity.
Dan looped his arms around Drew’s neck and molded their mouths together. He moaned as his lover’s lips parted for him and he offered him his tongue. Dan sucked him in greedily, his mind blurring and his body aching. When — minutes or hours later — their kiss ended, he was breathless and warm. With his heart in his throat, he whispered, “I think I’m high off you. You must be the most powerful drug I’ve ever taken.”
Drew gave him a short laugh and took his hand in his, kissing it lightly. Fingers entwined, they headed back to the car.
Drew sat in the driver’s seat and while starting the car, he said, “I’m addicted to you too. Sean makes fun of me all the time because I smile stupidly every time you send me a message or call me.”
Dan had also caught himself doing that a few times. It was a relief that Drew did it too. “Maybe we’re still in our honeymoon phase and soon we’ll start fighting over the stupidest things.”
“Like leaving my shoes on our bedroom floor?”
Dan’s lips pursed into a straight line. “… Please, stop doing that.”
His eyes on the road, Drew remained silent for a little while, before saying, “Sometimes I get scared you’ll get tired of my sloppiness and leave me for some smarter, sexier man.”
“Sometimes I get scared you’ll get tired of my bitching and leave me for some nice, big-breasted girl.”
They looked at each other and laughed.
“Oh yeah, big breasts are totally fundamental for me,” Drew joked.
“I know. You used to show me your favorite porn videos all the time.”
Drew bit his lips and nodded. “I did that, didn’t I? God, I was really stupid as a kid.”
“You were just very enthusiastic. You actually called me after you jerked off for the first time.”
“And I think I begged you to never mention it again!”
“Are you still embarrassed about it? We sleep together every night and you get all worked up for something you told me almost 10 years ago?”
“Of course it’s embarrassing. You must have thought I was a freak.”
“What? No! Is this how it seemed to you?”
“Well,” Drew paused for a moment. “You seemed really uncomfortable talking about it. Also, when I asked you if you had ever done it before and you said yes it was… a little weird for me. I called you right away because it felt like I had found out about the most mind-blowing thing in the world and then I learned that you were doing it already and never said anything to me, and… I don’t know, it made me feel wrong. Like I was prying into your business and at the same time giving you too much information about mine. For a while I wondered if talking about masturbating was somehow bad, until when our classmates showed us their porn. There I thought , ‘Oh, okay, so this is normal,’ and I started talking about it again.”
That was new to Dan. He had never thought about Drew’s point of view.
“I’m sorry,” he said to him, “I didn’t realize my reactionwas so important to you.”
“Dan, we’re talking about you. You were my perfect best friend and anything you said and did was golden to me.”
Drew’s words made him smile. It was flattering as hell to think Drew would hold him in such high regard, also taking into account that he considered his adolescence to be the most confusing, cringe-worthy period of his life.
“The truth is that even if I played it cool, I was helplessly horny most of the time.”
“You were?” Drew seemed incredulous.
“Yes, and I felt abnormal and wrong. I saw what the others liked and considered normal, and finding out it was different for me was a big deal. The day I admitted to myself that I was sexually attracted to men too I spent the night crying.”
“Was it so bad?”
Dan nodded. “You know I had a crush on you. I was in denial at first, and I told myself continuously that getting a boner around you was probably just a coincidence. When I masturbated I only looked at girls, and it was reassuring for me that a woman’s body would still turn me on. Then one day you showed me this video of a girl giving a blowjob to someone, and you said you were curious about how it felt like. I was curious too, and the girl was hot and all, but… my mind could only focus on the fact that you jerked off thinking of that girl, and I fucking hated her. I thought I’d rather be in her place. I thought about taking your dick in my mouth and I got painfully hard. Later that night I spent half an hour in bed looking at my dried come on my hand and I freaked out as I realized two things: I wasn’t straight, and I wanted my best friend.”
“Oh, love.” Once again, the affection in Drew’s voice warmed up his heart. “If it can console you, you hid it perfectly. At the time I had no idea you had a crush on me.”
Dan laughed. “Yes, at least nobody saw my meltdown. Well, nobody sawthat meltdown.”
Drew didn’t look at him, but Dan saw him smiling. He was about to ask him what he was thinking, when Drew said, “You’re a walking contradiction, in the best possible way.”
That was curious. “Please elaborate.”
“You’ve always been so fragile, and I had no idea. Mind me, I said fragile, not weak. I mean that you get hurt easily and are really sensitive, but you never showed it. On the outside you were always tough, cool and confident.”
“You’re right to use the past tense. Look at me now; I’m a mess.”
“You’re actually improving a lot. Around strangers, you’re back to being cool and controlled like before, but you smile more and that’s great. I have a soft spot for your smile.”
Dan bit the inside of his cheek. He knew he was improving, but his recovery wasn’t as fast as he had hoped. He was alright around strangers, but when he was with family and friends it was difficult to hide his changes of mood. When he saw something that reminded him of his traumas he tensedup, and they noticed immediately. Everybody would then try to make him feel better, and he was grateful for that, but he hated to be such a burden to them. He hated to be the crazy guy they had to deal with, and he feared that the affection that tied them together would at some point turn into pity. He wanted to get better soon, before they got tired of him.
They will get tired of you, a voice whispered in his head.
No. His thoughts shouldn’t go that way. He was alright. His friends loved him. Drew loved him.
“Dan, are you okay?”
Drew’s voice startled him, and he realized that he was holding his breath and had cold sweat running on the nape of his neck. He forced himself to breathe normally, hoping Drew wouldn’t notice. He wasn’t going to have a panic attack and ruin their trip now.
“Dan?” Drew was worrying for him. He had to say something. He wanted to say that he was okay, but he wasn’t, and he didn’t lie to Drew. Not anymore.
“Sorry, I was overthinking.”
“Was it something I said? Do you want me to stop the car?”
“No, no, don’t worry. It’s not that bad. I’ll look out the window and relax.”
“We can stop at any time. Even if you want to drink some water, or if you want a hug or something.”
That sure was tempting. The bare thought of Drew’s arms around him made him feel better already.
“No, I can’t wait to arrive. There’s a place I want to show you once we get to Pholis.”
“And don’t forget I promised you sex as soon as we check in.”
Dan smiled. “If you don’t fall asleep like you did the last time.”
Drew actually pouted. Yes, he truly was adorable. “I was really tired last time.”
“You’re tired now, too.”
“Are you kidding? I’ve never been more awake. I could fuck you now and go at it for hours.”
“… if you say so.”
“You’ll see! Let’s bet tonight’s dinner on it.”
Dan chuckled. It was basically a win-win for him. Either he got amazing sex or a free dinner. “Okay,” he said, looking forward to see how their bet would end.
A couple of hours later, as he was getting out of the shower in their hotel room, he figured he’d have to settle for the free dinner. Drew had taken a shower first and was supposed to wait for him in bed… Predictably, he had fallen asleep. Dan sighed and knelt by the bed to look at Drew’s sleeping face. His hair was still wet and falling messily on his forehead. Looking closely, Dan could see in those brown strands of hair some golden threads, that became visible only during the Summer. Drew’s skin was already slightly tanned, even though they had gone to the beach only once with their friends a couple of weeks before, and Dan found himself smiling at the thought that even the sun loved Drew to the point it’d never burn him. Dan’s mouth watered as his eyes moved hungrily over his man’s body: broad shoulders, well-trained and defined muscles, taut stomach, strong arms… he was so fucking perfect.
He’s too much for you, said again that voice in the back of his mind, freezing his blood in his veins.
You’re just a cheap whore.
He’ll figure it out soon.
A suffocating anxiety arose from his gut, spreading throughout his body. His chest grew heavy and his limbs lost strength. His wrists hurt as if someone had cut them open. He gasped for hair as the room walls shrank around him. He felt nauseous.
The panic attack had started. Dan tried to rationalize his fear and even out his breath. It wasn’t as bad as other times. He wasn’t seeing things, and he wasn’t suffocating. He was in a safe place. Nobody was going to hurt him. Nobody was going to abandon him. Drew wasn’t going to leave him. He loved him.
Drew moaned softly in his sleep, turning on his side. Dan’s eyes dropped on him, on his sweet mouth and relaxed face, and slowly his heartbeat calmed down. He swallowed some air, regaining control over his body. He was crying, he realized, but otherwise he was okay. He needed to get some oxygen to his head and calm down. Careful not to wake Drew, he put on a shirt and his trunks and left the room to take a walk on the seashore.
Dan loved the sea; he loved its smell, its noises and the way it hid a whole different world under that immense, blue and shiny expanse of water. When he was a child he would spend hours just swimming and playing in the water, trying to discover the secrets of the marine world. He had taught Drew how to swim, when they were 8 or 9 years old. Growing up, he had started to appreciate also relaxing on the seashore. Looking at the horizon, watching the flocks of birds on the water, listening to the waves. No matter how hard his life had gotten, the sea made him feel at peace. And there he finally found peace now, breathing in the salty air of the early afternoon and feeling the sun on his wet skin. On the other side of the beach there was a beach-volleyball tournament, and probably because of that, that part of the shore was completely deserted.
“You can’t stay away from the water, can you?” Drew’s voice sounded amused behind him.
Dan turned around to look at him and catcalled.“God, you’re hot.”
Drew laughed and dropped on the sand by his side, sliding his arms around his waist and pulling him into a deep kiss. Dan melted completely into him, roaming his arms on his back and feeling how hot his skin was under his fingers, how firm his body was, how strongly he was holding him closer. Drew ravished his mouth greedily, biting his lips, sucking on his tongue and leaving him breathless. A long moan escaped his lips as Drew delicately pulled his hair, forcing him to drop his head back and bare his throat for him; he closed his eyes and just enjoyed the bruising kisses Drew laid on his neck.
“Let’s go back to the hotel,” Drew whispered hoarsely. “I owe you a dinner and a fuck, and I can’t wait until tonight for the second.”
Dan whined. He didn’t want to go back to the hotel. He wanted him, now and there.
“Love…” Drew looked at him with an apologetic expression.
“Public Indecency, I know…” Dan kissed him again, his hands running through his hair and his body drawn to him, closer and closer. He was so drugged with him. “Drew… I know a place. Will you come with me?”
Drew stared at him like he was fighting the instinct to turn him on his fours and fuck him into the sand. “Take me anywhere,” he said then, his eyes glazing with want.
Dan stood up, glad nobody else was there on the beach to see how evidently excited he was, and offered his hand to Drew. He led him inside the water, and Drew looked confused for a moment.
“You said I could take you anywhere,” he underlined with a sly smile.
“Better make it worth it, or my balls won’t forgive you,” Drew said, diving into the cold water.
Dan jumped in right behind him, and swam forward, getting ahead of him.
“Follow me,” he said, leading the way around the rocks that signed naturally the end of the beach.
He turned around, from time to time, to look at Drew’s amazed face as he swam in that clear, brilliant-blue water. Small fish were gathering around the rocks, and as they passed beside them, they’d make their escape in every direction, coloring the sea around them like paper confetti. Dan couldn’t suppress a smile as he looked at Drew’s eyes shining with happiness. After a little while, they reached a breach in the rocks that led to a small cave. Instead of going in the cave, Dan reached for a little scab of rock on its side and pulled himself up. It wasn’t too steep nor slippery, so they climbed it easily. They walked on the rocks in the direction where they came from, and soon they reached a small area where the sea, sliding between a rock and the other, created a small natural pool, surrounded by rocks and isolated from the rest of the world. The rocky mountain right above them protected them from the sunlight; it was like being in a private, small oasis in the sea.
“This is my secret place,” Dan said, sitting down on the rocks and splashing his feet in the water. “I found it last year, before we got together. I used to come here and think, when I needed some quiet.”
Drew sat beside him and passed an arm around his shoulders.
“It’s beautiful,” he said, his gaze so intense it could burn him alive. “You’re beautiful.”
Without another word, Drew crashed their lips together.
He laid him on the rocks and kissed him thoroughly going on top of him, their bodies grinding together. Dan was only half conscious of his actions when he looped his leg around Drew’s tights and pulled him closer, as his lover was humping him shamelessly. Dan was painfully hard, hot and impatient, as if he was about to crawl out of his own skin and beg Drew to devour him. Drew bit and sucked the sensitive skin of his neck and chest, as his hands touched him everywhere. By now, Drew knew his body like his own. Even better, probably. He knew he liked raw, bruising kisses; he knew that his nipples weren’t particularly sensitive, but if he sucked them hard, he’d quickly reduce him to a moaning mess. He knew his hands on his belly would make him tremble, but not as much as those feather-soft kisses in his inner tights.
Fuck, when did he take away his trunks again?
Drew pressed his nose against his groin and started stroking him, his mouth sucking his balls idly. They were freezing cold because of the water, and Drew’s mouth was so warm, so wet, so good-
“Please,” Dan whispered, shaking with need, “get in me.”
Drew knew him so well that he could make him come in a hundred different ways. Dan loved every time he jerked him off, gave him head, fingered him or used on him any sex toy, but there were times, like now, when he absolutely needed to feel him inside. The satisfaction that derived from welcoming his man inside his body, experiencing his thickness, tightening around him to pleasure him, was mind-blowing to him. Dan wanted to be one with him, wanted him to get lost in him, to complete him.
Drew hesitated for a moment, and then tentatively touched his hole, making him whine in frustration. When he realized it was already slick and ready for penetration, Drew pressed his mouth against Dan’s tight and smiled widely.
He pushed his fingers in him and said, “At the hotel, you had prepared yourself for me. Love, I’m sorry I left you hanging.”
“Drew.” He moaned his name, unable to produce any consistent sentence.
Drew stood on his knees, lowered his trunks and took his own erection in his hand. He stroked himself as he took in the sight of him. Dan couldn’t see himself, but he had an idea how he looked like: swollen lips, misty eyes, flushed face, red marks all over his neck and chest, his hard length leaking against his stomach and his hole clenching around Drew’s fingers. He felt like a slut desperate for a fuck, and he probably looked it, too. He would have found humiliating to being seen in those conditions by any other person on Earth, but Drew was the exception. He had made him like this, and he was the only one who could sate his thirst.
Drew lifted his legs up and pushed inside.
Dan cried out as all his senses were converging around the place they were connected. Drew put it all in, until he was as deep as he could get. He pulled back and thrust in him once again, hitting his prostate and making his eyes roll in the back of his head. Dan’s body was aching, heat lingering in his lower stomach, pleasure rushing through his veins. In his life, he had had countless sexual partners, but it had never been so maddening intense before Drew.
Sometimes Drew went at it slowly, with strong, powerful thrusts like he was doing now. Sometimes he set a steady rhythm, some other times he let his most basic instincts take over and fucked him brutally into the mattress. Drew made love to him differently every single time, but it didn’t change how strong his sensations were when it came to him.
Dan muttered unintelligible words as Drew lost control over his thrusts and just took him, trying to get himself deeper, trying to plant himself in him and never get out.
“Want to come in you,” he whispered into his mouth. “Want to fill you up with my come so that you’ll leak it for hours.”
“Yes, please…” Dan begged him, his body already on the edge.
Drew stroked him fast, as he pounded furiously into him. He came with a groan, digging his nails into Drew’s back, holding onto him like a lifeline. When he regained consciousness of the world, Drew wasn’t moving anymore, but he was still deep inside him and he was kissing his neck tenderly.
He felt in heaven. Slowly his senses awakened, and he felt the cold rock against his back, he heard the sound of the waves and enjoyed the breeze on his skin. Drew’s weight on his body felt good in any possible way. Drew lazily propped himself on his elbows and pulled out. Dan felt heat leaking from his hole.
Before Drew, he hated body fluids. The rare times he had sex without a condom, his first after-sex thought was to clean himself up thoroughly. That habit had died soon enough when he started having sex with him. Drew had loved coming inside him since the very first time, and in the afterglow he would hug him like a teddy bear and cuddle him into oblivion. Dan could have kicked him out of bed to go clean himself any time, but soon he had become addicted to Drew’s cuddles and kisses, and he couldn’t bring himself to leave him. Moreover, there was a fucked-up part of him that adored having Drew’s semen in him. It made him feel vulnerable, loved, and his.
“I love you,” he whispered to Drew, who was contemplating his face as if he was the most precious thing in the word. Saying those three words was always emotionally challenging for him, so he usually waited for Drew to say them and then just replied that he loved him too. This time, he just had to say it first.
“I love you, Dan.” He caressed his face tenderly.They fell into a companionable silence for a little while, and then Drew added,“I have a theory.”
Dan smiled. “A theory?”
“I think God took a piece of this ocean and put it into your eyes, so that I could drown in you.”
Dan’s mouth fell open. If Drew didn’t have such a serious face, he would have laughed at him. But Drew was serious, and he loved how this man turned into a romantic softie for him.
“I like to think that I was born to love you,” he said then, his face turning hot from embarrassment.
Drew leaned in and kissed him.
“Happy first anniversary, love.”
“Happy anniversary, Drew.”