Thanks to the Writing Prompt Generator of thecharactercomma.com
Have you ever wished you could completely undo something really, really stupid you did? Like, for instance, revealing your super-secret super-powers to a random girl you met in a bar. Because you wanted to hit on her. While drunk.
That was, ladies and gentlemen, the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, and it’s the reason why now I’m locked up in a fucking bunker in Mexico City, ready to be executed for messing with some shady businessman’s business.
My name is Bryan, by the way, and this is the story of how I became the world’s worst wannabe superhero.
“What was that?” I’ll never forget the face Jane Clark made when she realized I could use telekinesis. I didn’t know her too well, but that night at the bar she seemed perfect to me: funny, smart and, well, hot. So I invited her over with an excuse and showed my powers. I know now that whatever I saw in her at the time, it was definitely the alcohol’s fault.
“You see,” I explained, full of myself, “I’m a psychic. I’ve been born with what you common people call super powers.”
Jane’s big, green eyes widened and she pinched herself on the cheek, to check if what she was living was real or just a dream.
It was just the reaction I wanted; she was impressed. Now I had to play the this-will-be-our-secret card and-
“This is amazing!” She shouted before I could say anything. “Oh my God, Bryan, you are a superhero!”
Nope. Never wanted to be a superhero. Why would I sacrifice my whole life to help some random people in distress? The powers are mine and I have the right to do with them whatever I want. In my case, nothing. Occasionally, use them to cheat during school tests. Or to cheat on life in general.
“Oh, Jane, I don’t have what it takes to be a hero. I just want to live a normal life, you know? I’m 23, I want to do the things the other guys my age do.” Guilt trip. This just had to work.
It didn’t. She just ignored me.
“Bryan, this is amazing! Can you think of all the things we could do now with your powers?”
There was nothing I’d want us to do with my powers.
“No?” I said.
“We can start a superhero agency!”
“You watch a lot of movies, don’t you?”
“I’ll be your partner. I’ll be the Robin to your Batman.”
That was the moment I started to see the whole picture. Jane was crazy.
“No, no, no, no, no. I’m no Batman.”
“Great, so you already have a superhero name?”
“Jane, I’m glad to see you so enthusiast, but-”
“You can be Teleman.”
“The Silent Lord.”
“The Voiceless Wind.”
“That doesn’t even mean anything!” I finally raised my voice. “Listen, Jane, I don’t want to be a superhero.”
Jane looked at me as if she didn’t understand what I said.
“It doesn’t make sense,” she said. “What about your social responsibility?”
“With great power comes great respons–”
“Don’t you try uncle-Ben me!”
“What is wrong with you?” She looked angry now, lips pursed into a straight line and fists on her hips.
“I don’t give a shit about responsibility, Jane. I just fucking wanted to hit on you!”
“What?” Now she looked furious, her face flushed with anger. “You’re a spineless bastard!”
“And you’re one annoying, crazy chick, girl.”
“Fuck you!” she screamed at me and walked to the door. Good. Telling her had been a mistake in the first place, so it was better to never see her again. But she didn’t leave. She paused a few moments in front of the door, her hand lingering over the handle, and in the end she turned back to me.
With an uncertain tone of voice, she said, “I actually hoped you could be a superhero. I would have been the first client of our agency.”
“Well that’s a pity.”
“Do you even have a heart, asshole? I’m in real trouble.”
“Sorry to hear that. Call 911.”
“The police can’t help.” She looked serious, but I was still 90% sure she was messing with me.
“Because you have to fight a villain whose power humans can’t even imagine?”
“Yeah, you could say that.”
“Sweetheart, aren’t you getting a little desperate for my attention?”
“I’m certainly desperate enough to have this conversation with a scumbag like you. But I thought it was a lost cause, until I learned of your powers, and now I’m hoping I can still do something about it.”
“About your nonexistent super-villain?”
“He does exist!”
She was bringing the joke a little too far, and that irritated me enough. “OK, if he does exist, then I’ll fight him for you.”
A flash of light passed through her eyes. “Will you, really?”
“Sure. So, who is he? An android bitten by a radioactive snake that kidnapped your little sister?”
“A Mexican smuggler. And he kidnapped my cousin, not my little sister.”
Jane just stared at me with a blank face. She had probably never been so serious in her whole life.
“Ehm, Jane… Would you believe me if I said what you saw was a trick of the light? I don’t really have super-powers.”
Jane opened the door and before leaving she shot me a glance.
“You’re coming with me to Mexico City, Bryan Ross. If you try to run away from me, I’ll fucking kill you.”